Ode to Public Pee

Okay, not actually an ode, because I'm no poet.

A couple days ago I was on Trax and noticed a puddle of some liquid hovering toward the front of the car. As we lurched forward, though, inertia kicked in and started the liquid flowing toward the back of the car.

The floor is grooved, so it ran down each groove at a different pace. It sort of reminded me of the way that the blob traveled, flowing along cracks and crevices, only faster. At each stop, the liquid took a rest, only to resume its march forward the next time we were in motion.

I should say at this point that it probably wasn't pee, but I like to think it was (especially since it didn't touch me). I watched in delight as it enveloped the shoes of the other passengers (everyone on the train seemed oblivious to it except for me).

Lucky for you, I was able to snap this picture of the liquid in question as it overtook a dude's shoe. You'll have to click on the picture and then look veeeeeeery closely:


The moral of the story is: when on public transportation, keep an eye on the floor. And on your seat. And on the people next to you. Basically, try not to touch anything.

A Long Way Home

Traveling on FrontRunner / TRAX is a lot of work. Half the trip (the easy part) is spent riding on FrontRunner, while the second half involves riding on TRAX, with about 1-2 miles of walking to fill in the gaps from TRAX to work, etc.

A couple of weeks ago, a Friday, Eli and I began another journey home from work. I felt bad from the start because Eli had his long board (he gets around pretty good for a guy his size on the long board), while I had to walk. I told Eli not to wait for me, but he insisted... so I slowed him way down for the first part of the trip.

We finally make it to the TRAX station, and have to wait about 10 minutes for the next train. Gettting on the front car... it was way crowded. So crowded that many people were standing (including us). As the train started moving, I said to Eli "I didn't see very many people getting on the back car, I wonder if it is less crowded back there"... Eli turns to me and says "Should we do it? Should we run back to one of the rear cars at the next stop?", to which I replied... "Yep, Doooo it!".

At the next stop, we both jump out of the front car and race to the back. I was in front, but to my credit, I did stop a few seconds to let a little old lady get on, but she was interferring with the plan. While running to the rear car, the doors were open on the second to last car, and Eli yelled "I think we should just get on here"... I ignored that suggestion and said "I'm going all the way". Big mistake. When I hit the button on the last car, the doors would not open. I looked at Eli who said "oh crap", while at the same time, the doors that Eli suggested had just closed. We got left behind. It was completely my fault so I really felt bad... so we had to wait another 15 minutes for the next train.

During the wait, Eli calls his wife to explain to her what happened. When he got off the phone I asked "Is she mad?" to which he replied, "Yep, she's mad dude.". I said "I take full responsibility... sorry". Eli told me that his wife doesn't stay mad long and that she would be over it soon. I told Eli, that I wasn't even going to call my wife, I was just going to see if we could make up time somehow.

I guess we got a little too comfortable during that 15 minute wait. Eli took off his backpack and kept babbling on about work stuff. He is explaining stuff to me that he is working on while all I hear is "moua mua mua muaaaa", you know the sound you hear when any adult talks in a Charlie Brown cartoon... Anyway, the train finally arrives and we jump on the back car. We both get a seat... this one isn't that crowded. About halfway to the next stop, Eli realizes that he left his backpack, the bag that has a very expensive work laptop, etc.

Well, we had to go back for it, so we again got off at the next stop, to get on the next train heading in the opposite direction to our previous stop. I didn't feel so bad about my mistakes earlier, because this one evened it up. Eli was crapping his pants about whether his bag would be there when we got to it. If you ask him, he'll say he knew it was going to be there, but beleive me, he was crapping his pants.

When we got to the previous stop, we did find the backpack as seen below. Thank God it was still there. Just had to wait for the next train "once again" to get home.

When we got to the FrontRunner platform we only had a few minutes to get on the train before it left. Of course Eli still had to buy a pass (that is a different story). I had a monthly pass, but I wasn't going to take any more chances. As Eli was bumbling around on the machine to get his pass, I stood in the doorway of the train taking hit after hit as the doors opened and closed on me while a "station host" told me to get on. I said that my buddy was trying to get a pass so I'm not moving til he gets on ... I did not want to get locked out again.

We finally got on the train and headed home. I explained it to my wife, she laughed. I'm not sure how things went with Eli's wife though, I never asked.

Am I the world's biggest jerk?

I got on the train this morning and had a seat across from a middle aged woman. I had my longboard with me, and from the way she looked at me I thought she was annoyed. It turns out she was just excited to have some company!



"So, what's the point of those longboards? Are you trying to simulate snowboarding?" she said.

I mumbled something in response.

She continued, "That train over there is full of cars--automobiles. I can't figure out why people don't hijack those trains more often. I mean, I never would. I'm not of the particular...um...persuasion. But there's gotta be a couple million dollars worth of cars on there."

Despite the fact that I'm trying not to engage her, she continues to try and make conversation. As she droned on, I realized I needed to do something to make the pain stop. So, I pulled my headphones out of the backpack and slipped them on. Even though the other end wasn't connected to anything (I left it in the backpack), for all she knew it was plugged into some high-tech magical device that she would never understand. I did this mid sentence and she immediately stopped talking.

Remember this trick for the future, it just may save you. In fact, you don't even need headphones with a cord on them. Just get some old headphones and cut the cords. Crazy people will think it's some high end wireless doohicky. If they continue talking to you, just point to the headphones, shake your head slightly, and mouth the words "I can't hear you..."